There was a farmer who took a lot of pride in his chickens. He washed and groomed them daily. He made sure that they always looked immaculate.
When they had grown to the point to sell he took them to the butcher. To his dismay he found that they were worth less than his neighbor’s who just casually tossed feed into their pen. He hadn’t groomed or washed them once. His disheveled birds were worth more because despite being pretty ugly they were quite a bit more plump.
Weight was pretty much the only factor that mattered.
The worth that he perceived for his chickens was great while their actual worth was substantially less.
If he was just going to eat them all himself then who cares? But if you’re working to provide value for others then what they find worth in should be your priority.
I doubt any chicken farmers are reading this, and if they are they will probably tell me how bad my analogy is, but for everyone else it’s probably a good exercise to consider if we are falling into this trap.
We are always selling and buying to some extent. Are you not being valued or respected by those around you?
Are they just ungrateful losers, or are you not providing anything valuable while inwardly believing that your contribution to the relationship is great.
Figuring this out doesn’t require much intelligence, but rather a little reflection and a large amount of honesty.
Recently a friend talked to me about how a boy who liked her got upset with her when she fell for his friend instead who hadn’t “done anything for her”. He guilt tripped her and his friend about this. Because he “liked her and had done so much for her”. It obviously didn’t work, but his frustration reveals something.
He thought that he was demonstrating value to her and from this he had earned something. Girls complain a lot about this and they are 100% correct to do so.
The time where you could just show up at your crush’s house with a couple of cows and boom, value demonstrated, wife obtained is over.
Don’t do things for people who don’t show that you’re in a reciprocal relationship. All that you will gain is resentment for the other person.
If you are very mature and this is RARE, you may be able to do things for someone you are trying to impress with a careless aloofness where if they don’t reciprocate you will have no hard feelings.
Boy or girl that’s an attractive quality.
You should strive for that, but like i said before you probably aren’t good enough of a person for that strategy.
Now to flip the script for women. A good example of perceived worth not matching up with actual worth revolves around your profession.
Most guys just don’t give a damn about your career. It’s “cute” to us.
“Your degree don’t mean much to me”, or any guys for that matter.
If you don’t swallow this truth pill then it will lead to a lot of frustration and resentment which will feed on itself creating a downward spiral. Much like the “nice guy” who thinks he’s valuable by doing unasked favors, the career woman who is told she’s valuable because she’s got an MBA is being deceived.
And if she does find a guy who is into it he’s likely a porn addled passive man who she can’t bring herself to respect no matter how hard she tries.
In all things consider first who is my intended audience and what do THEY care about.
Stop thinking about yourself and how the world SHOULD be.
Act in the world as it is.